As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize