dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
