I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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