I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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