if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I love having hate sex.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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