i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
