boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
