you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
