I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
