Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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