you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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