the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
