I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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