Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
