Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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