Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
