your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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