don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
