I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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