i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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