he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
