Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it hurts more in the daytime
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
