You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
