I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
