i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
