You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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