stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
