and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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