if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Do you still have your period?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I need to calm my uterus...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
