I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
