thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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