i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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