One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
