remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
