Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
