Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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