NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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