Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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