she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
