We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
