i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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