this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
