I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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