just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
