Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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