Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We have so much sex to catch up on
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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