Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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