She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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