bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
