Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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