ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
