I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
ttyl tear gas
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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