Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
