i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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