Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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