Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
