I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
