im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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