Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
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