he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
