please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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