I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
