I accidentally had phone sex last night
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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