There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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