How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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