If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
